March 27, 2006

Monday evening, 27 March 2006 [9:30 p.m.]:

Hey, Keith.

Dude, I have missed you so but I have been so busy and haven’t had time to write. HEAPS is happening and I want to fill you in on all of it but it will have to wait for now. You will be so proud of me when you hear!

Going to go and get ready for bed – an early, early, early night for me as you know! It’s like 2:30 a.m. in Canada (BC) right now and if you were around we’d probably be on MSN Messenger – seems like most nights, you didn’t go to bed until around 3 a.m.

I’m going to sleep in tomorrow morning and not go in ‘til late – they owe me so many hours and if I’m not careful I’ll wind up not getting paid for them. And I am meeting with the Head of School in the afternoon to talk about my position and what is going on in the School.

Gotta go or I’ll do a face-plant on the keyboard! You take care, say ‘Hi’ to all, be there for Jessie and whisper to Don M that he needs to write me. Keith, I don’t want to lose touch with him; he’s sort of really my only tangible link to you (and he’s a nice guy in his own right!).

Love you heaps –


- Susan

posted by Susan @ 9:41 pm 0 comments

March 22, 2006

early Wednesday morning, 22 March 2006 [1:00 a.m.]:

Grizz –

Honey, I miss you! Next to my Mum, I think you were my biggest champion, my best mate and my best friend. Remember when you said that when I made it to the top of the heap to remember who kicked me in the a$$ and got me there? Well, dude, I owe you one (actually, I owe you for a lot, lot more than just that).

But still I miss your concrete and tangible presence in my life. I need you. And I wish that I didn’t. “You don’t always get what you want; but if you try sometimes, you just might find you get what you need” – Rolling Stones. Well, I needed you and you needed me and it all just happened. We went from being pleasant acquaintances to being a mutual island to escape to in order to find some respite from a threatening present. A partnership that worked well and was cut off far too soon. I think our paths came very, very close to crossing on a number of occasions – I think I’ve worked it out going back to before 1980!

Have to go – getting sleepy and I have an early morning tomorrow.

Let Jessi know that she’s loved and keep her strong and safe. Don’t be a stranger and visit when you can.

Love –


- Tiger Woman

posted by Susan @ 1:17 am 1 comments

March 21, 2006

Tuesday, 21 March 2006 [5:45 p.m.]:

Hi, Keith – here I am again.

I’ve been meaning to tell you about all the special things that I’ve been seeing lately – things that I suspect are gifts from you: to keep up my spirit, to remind me of the joys that abound. Cockatoos calling from the trees and overhead; lorikeets chattering about their latest nectar find; pine needles caught in the fencewires of my gate and making an urban haiku – all of them gifts from you. On the weekend I got up to all sorts of stuff and among them was the task of washing the car (something that Warwick usually does). In the process of sudsing and rinsing I saw on the ground the most amazing thing: the tiniest, tiniest feather that you have ever seen. It is, from tip to the base of the quill, less than 9 mm long and it is a perfect miniature of a “real” feather. It is just exquisite.

Today was good – very good indeed! Everyone at Biomedical Sci have been great and I was treated like visiting royalty – makes a change from MRS, eh? But you should see what I have to teach on Monday morning: all of the muscles of the arm (there are quite a few when you remember that includes all the muscles of the hand) plus tendons, and points of insertion, etc. And yikes – I have thirty students in each prac! They come to the centre for a lecture/demonstration and then divide into four groups to study what we call “wet specimens” (human cadaver parts). At least now they put in the Handbook that students will be working with cadavers in this subject – back when I it we had students walk out of the course on the afternoon of the first day when they strolled into the anatomy lab and saw body parts around the place. Some find it gruesome; I just find it fascinating.

Hon, I’m going to go – baking a banana cake for Don R and it smells like it’s just about done. There was a terrible cyclone in northern Queensland yesterday and it centred on the banana and sugar cane growing regions – in a few weeks time there won’t be a banana to be had at any price – best to enjoy them now.

Tell Clayton I spent part of another evening reading his first book – it’s great, isn’t it? Take care, dude, and give my regards to Clayton, your Dad and your Pop. Love,


- Susan


posted by Susan @ 6:09 pm 0 comments

March 20, 2006

Monday night, 20 March 2006 [11:00 p.m.]:

Hi, Hon, me again!

This will be short – it’s late and I had a big day today. Interview went well but they admitted at the end that they were also interviewing someone who was already doing the job (God, I hate that). But they did ‘specially invite me to apply for a another position that would be advertised in the next two or three months.

Had a lovely time with Don R tonight. ‘cept for his little forays into R.S.V.P. and temper tantrums, he really does make me happy. He can be very, very sweet. Let’s hope the good bits last for a good long while.

Sorry, Grizz, but I have to go already – I am about to nod off.

Missing you, as ever –


- Susan

posted by Susan @ 11:32 pm 0 comments

March 19, 2006

Sunday night, 19 March 2006 (11:00 p.m.):

Hey, dude, how goes it?

This will be short – I have a job interview in the morning and I have to get in bed early. I’ve been so tired lately, not sure why.

As for Don R, things have gotten a little weird. A shame because we have fun and we seem to like each other and each other’s company. I’m just taking it day by day.

Now to Don M – well, he hasn’t written and I would have thought that by now he would have had some time off. But then, with him, you never know. I came very, very close to ringing him up on the telephone tonight – it would have been about 8:30 or 9 p.m. Saturday night there but I just chickened out. I want to ask him about the sponsorship thing and other stuff; for instance, if he has Paul’s details in Creston (or whatever it’s called in SE BC). I’m thinking that Paul might know how to get in touch with your pilot friend who’s now in the Yukon Territory.

Been thinking ‘bout you lots and miss you. I got Clayton’s book out and put it on my pillow so I could read another chapter tonight. I have to go – I am such a slug, it takes me ages to actually get my butt in bed when I say that I am headed there. I guess I just like living so much (usually, anyway) that I just hate to waste time sleeping! Wish me luck for my interview –


- love, Susan

posted by Susan @ 11:10 pm 0 comments


LOL! Another picture of Kylie! This one is a still from the video from her "Kylie Fever" tour. I really like this music video - she looks like the Robot Queen. The outfit is by Dolce & Gabbana and the boots are by Jimmy Choo - just about all the clothing items in the 'Kylie' exhibit at the Powerhouse are from the big designer names. (See my post from 8 March 2006.) Posted by Picasa

posted by Susan @ 4:05 pm 0 comments

March 16, 2006

Thursday night, 16 March 2006 [9:35 p.m.]:

Hey, KD!

How are you honey? You won't believe what's happened... Yesterday afternoon I had to take a module over to the Printery and on the way I met two senior lecturers from the School of Biomedical Sciences. They were floored when they heard that I had been given notice by MRS. Right away they asked me if I would be interested in teaching anatomy and first-year physics - and this morning I got an email with my times for two hour-long lectures in anatomy starting on Monday. Can you believe it *I* am going to be teaching at the University of Sydney!!! Far out! I am completely rapt - it's like a dream come true! This is just so cool - on my resume I will have clinical, administrative and now teaching experience at the Uni - wow! You were always so supportive - I know you will be pleased and happy for me.

Don R and I aren't going to be able to go camping after all as his son, Mitchell, has a soccer game on Sunday. But we are going to go for a drive up the coast on Saturday and, if the weather is good, we are going to take the surfboards. He has both Luke and Mitchell the following weekend so we can't go then; maybe the weekend after that, we'll have to see. I hope we can as autumn is here and the days are getting shorter and chillier.

I did make that Thai green curry fish the other night and it turned out scrumptious - I know that you would really like it. (Whether I would have been able to get the ingredients in 108 or 100 Mile or Williams Lake I don't know.) Yeah, I would have liked making stuff for you and eating your elk stew and knocking around together. You're my best mate and I miss you terribly. I want so badly to hear your voice again.

Got to go - I haven't been getting enough sleep lately and I've got to brush up on my anatomy - luckily I'm just starting out on the upper limb (a.k.a. 'arm', LOL!) and have a while to go before I have to do the head and neck which is real, real complex. But I wasn't doing an Honours degree for nothing and I genuinely like people so, while a challenge (I'm real rusty), it should be fun and a good experience. I'm pretty sure that it's in the anatomy labs where the students work with cadavers - for the first sessions that I'm doing there will probably be about five arms laid out in the stainless steel troughs in the lab. Some people find it gross but I just find it completely fascinating - damn good thing, eh?

OK, good buddy, I gots to love you and leave you. I'm taking good care of your Sage hat (and it now just smells like you and not like you + cigarettes). I miss you and think of you always with so much love -


- always yours, Susan

P.S.: Mid way through March and the jacaranda tree on Harrow Road still has blossoms on it - amazing!

posted by Susan @ 10:04 pm 0 comments

March 14, 2006

Tuesday, 14 March 2006 [10:00 p.m.]:

Hey ya', Keith -

Well, I am writing this to you using "WordPad" 'cuz MS Word has died on this PC. Couldn't have come at a worse time 'cuz, as "luck" would have it, I not only did not get the Clinical Admin job (no real surprise there but so much for positive thinking), I got fired today. They only have to give me one hour's notice but they gave me something like six weeks. I will still be representing the School at the Hobart conference. Anyway, with no MS Word it will be difficult to do resumes and job app letters.

No stars tonight it's all cloudy - a shame because the moon should be full tonight. But I saw them last night and enjoyed being with you then. I always, always do.

Going to go, I am really tired - got up with Don R this morning when he gets ready for work - at 4 a.m. and been up ever since - eek!

I'll read another of Clayton's stories before I fall asleep - that'll put me in a good mood!

'night, handsome Canuck - you sure are missed....


- love, Susan

P.S.: And, yeah, we are going up the coast this weekend and I will get my first surfing lessons!

posted by Susan @ 10:15 pm 0 comments

March 10, 2006

early Friday morning, 10 March 2006 [12:30 a.m.]:

KD –

Was surfing around some of the other blog sites and found out this interesting fact – today the moon is waxing and is 76% full. Just thought you might like to know! ;-) [I have always just loved moon-gazing.]

‘Bye, hon.


- Susan

posted by Susan @ 12:25 am 0 comments

Thursday night, 9 March 2006 [11:30 p.m.]:

Hey my Grizz!

Dude, I miss you. You know what? – I am actually missing you more each day instead of missing you less. I thought that is what would happen, that gradually you’d slip away from me and I’d miss you less and less. But that’s not what’s happening… I really miss you, and need you, more. I think it’s a survival mechanism – I hate this feeling of isolation so maybe I am keeping you in my world to, in some way, make up for the things I believe that I should have and don’t. You seem to be the only sure thing in my life as pathetic as that sounds. Everything else is, like the title of that movie, just sand and fog.

Speaking of movies: I don’t know how you went with English-subtitled foreign language films but I just saw a magnificent one in Kurdish/Farsi – “A Time for Drunken Horses”. You know I live in an Islamic neighbourhood; well this film gave me more of an understanding of life in the Iran/Iraq area at least. The plight of the children, the women, the animals! And I thought that things in my life had been “swept away”!

The stars are exquisite tonight – all sparkles and glimmers and strewn across the sky from horizon to horizon – the best I’ve seen in months. I wish I were down at Warren’s in Picton to see them at their best.

Clayton’s stories are wonderful – I am enjoying the book so much. I am trying really hard to not just gobble it up in one sitting but am forcing myself to limit myself to no more than a chapter in one sitting. I am absolutely inspired by his sister-in-law, Josephine Capoose. Talking about someone having aspects of their life swept away: poor Josephine did it tough. But, damn it, she bounced back every time and gave it another go. I will see if I can find her grave, too, and leave some jacaranda flowers for her, too.

My job interview was this morning and I believe that it went well. In all honesty, it’s not what I want to do but it is full-time and permanent so I have to consider it. I think that I will have a D&M with the new Head of School next week… I’m pretty certain there are a lot more projects around the place that would make much better use of my strengths.

Don looks as if he really will go along on a trip up the coast and we’ve moved it one week sooner (depends on when he has his boys over). I sure hope we get to go surfing! I don’t know how long it will take to get up there or if Don would be willing to leave after work on Friday – he’s a postie and I know that he gets tuckered out, especially if the weather is hot like it was today.

Hon, I gots to go – it’s after midnight now and I’ve been a bit tired lately. Hey, I actually ate some dinner tonight and had some chocolate while I was watching the DVDs. That’s good.

OK, my favourite dude – enjoy yourself and, even though you’re in heaven, I say, “Give ‘em hell!”. Just go for it, honey, and have a great time – I know that you, of all people, know how to squeeze the very last drop of enjoyment out of every single day. Good on you, “You go, dude!” ;-) Love ya’ heaps, honey –


- Susan

posted by Susan @ 12:09 am 0 comments

March 08, 2006

Kylie Minogue in a still from the music video "Spinning Around"

Here she is folks - Australia's own Kylie: owner of one of the world's best bums. An exhibit of Kylie memorabilia is on display at Sydney's Powerhouse Museum until 7 May 2006. This outfit is one of hundreds of fascinating items on display. Until I went I had no idea how petite she is - in spite of her tiny size she has such a powerful presence on stage. I don't think of myself as a Kylie fan but you have to hand it to her.
You go girl! Posted by Picasa

posted by Susan @ 12:18 am 0 comments

Tuesday night, 7 March 2006 [11:30 p.m.]:

Hey, Hon…

Hi, it’s me and I’m feeling much better (thank God). And tonight when I got home this fantastic thing happened – a rather bedraggled copy of Clayton’s first book was laying on the top step! I had ordered it ages ago and it has finally appeared. It’s great – I love all the photos and sketches. Damn, damn, damn – I should have let you send me that copy that Clayton had dedicated to you. I really can be an idiot, can’t I?

Got on the Apple iTunes Music Store tonight – downloaded a James Blunt (did you know his stuff, honey?), some Crowded House, some Joan Armatrading (Blunt sounds like her – LOL!) and did some window shopping in the ZZ Top department. They don’t have everything (for instance, they don’t have the ‘Antenna’ album which just might be my favourite) but they’ve got stuff like ‘Balinese’ and ‘Precious and Grace’ as well as the big stuff like ‘Sharp Dressed Man’, ‘Cheap Sunglasses’ and the rest.

I am just reeling from my last conversation with Graham – he has this habit of making pronouncements that are simply not open to discussion. Bloody damn shame but that’s the way it goes sometimes. One day Graham and I will be the best of friends but for me, right now, it’s all just too raw.

Last night, Don R was on Messenger (he’s on most every evening) and I asked him if he had a sec to talk. I told him I had some stuff for him and some of his camping gear and a desk for his boys to use when they are over at his house. (He has two of the nicest, nicest boys.) So he’s coming over on Saturday night and I’m making my famous Thai fish green curry and jasmine rice (Don really likes his rice) and we will see how things go. [I haven’t made that Thai dish since I made it for John S ages ago.] I am hoping we can go camping up north at a place called Fraser Park. I’m hoping we do go and the weather is good – Don has promised to teach me how to surf and we didn’t get to go last time when the weather was so awful. He brought his longboard and a short one for me – and I had two bikinis, a kurta and a miniskirt and didn’t get to wear them! {{{{Susan pouts}}}}. Now I’m going to make a big statement here – I don’t know if you know who Kylie Minogue is but I am telling you she has one of the world’s best butts. And ya’ know what? She will die for an a$$ like mine when she is my age! LOL! So there! ;-P

OK, my Grizz, I have to work on some job applications – they need to be in on Thursday and tomorrow I have to get ready for the interview for the MRS interview on Thursday a.m.

It’s great to look up from my desk and see your photos on the wall at work. And tonight I’m going to read the first chapter of Clayton’s book – I am pumped about it. It couldn’t have arrived at a better time – thanks, hon.

Missing you –


- Susan

posted by Susan @ 12:09 am 0 comments

March 06, 2006

Monday evening, 6 March 2006 [6:15 p.m.]:

Hey, Hon…

I’m in a mess and so very depressed. Everything, everything is wrong. I want so badly to talk to you – I want to find out what you reckon about everything here. I’d like to see it through your eyes and see what you make of it.

It’s a mess with Graham and I don’t know what to do. I think that right now I just have to let him be. He doesn’t want to hurt me; he says that and then he turns around and says something devastating. He doesn’t mean to, I know, but the net effect is the same.

I always want things in a hurry, don’t I? I’m not very patient and, to be honest, I don’t know how to “play” a man and get him to do what I want while they think all along it’s all their moves and their ideas. I never enrolled in ‘Dishonesty 101’ and I don’t know how to lie in wait like a black widow on her web calmly waiting for her next victim. I suspect that my “fools rush in” style is too entrenched to change.

I have to thank God for Chuck from DC – I don’t think he realises how much he helps.

I have been so, so suicidal. But, damn it, I am just too strong to go there. I think about it in the car but then I could never go ahead and wind up hurting someone else. Then there’s the pills – so easy to stockpile them and a pretty painless way to go. I was just sitting on the edge of the bed thinking, “What would they do at work if, day after day, I just don’t show up?” What would Wozza do? Who would look after Ruffie and the cats? How long would they go hungry before somebody worked it out? What about Steven next door? Anyway, I don’t think it’s going to happen but I do think about it and I do wonder.

Hon, I’m going to go. Oh, yeah, I haven’t heard from Don M. I thought for awhile there that we were OK with each other but now I’m not so sure. Maybe he just wants it all behind him and doesn’t need the reminders from me. I’d like very much to hear from him and he did, after all, promise to answer some of my questions (and that was more than a year ago – LOL!). Ah, we shall see – maybe he is just doing his usual workaholic thing.

‘bye, Keith. Sorry, but I am too, too sad to even love you right this minute – and that says one hell of a lot. I do miss you though and think of you always.

Help me, please?


- S.

posted by Susan @ 6:37 pm 0 comments