Wednesday, 1 June 2005 [11:00 p.m.]:
Hey there, my honey.When I went off to the gym tonight I stood at the back gate and looked and looked at the beautiful stars and thought about what you said about being with you that way. I sure wish that I could see Ursa Major, though. Oh, well, that will have to wait until November.
I saw Dr Ross again today. He says that because I think of you so much that I am at a danger of over-analysing you. He reckons that I should just hang on to my experiences and memories and not try to fret over everything that you said or wrote.
Oh, Keith, I miss you so. Ya’, I am so busy lately but it doesn’t seem to matter – every single moment I have, I have with you.
And now is such a bad time for all of us – you lost your Dad one year ago tomorrow and I really feel for Alison. You told me a couple of times how much you grieved for your Dad and now Alison has both of you to mourn. Ya’, I am pissed at her about the parcel but I still feel badly for her and your daughter. Even though you’re with your Dad and Grandpa now I have to say that I still feel sorry for you, too, honey, that you had to go through it last year. I’m sorry I couldn’t do more for you, honey, but I did the best I could. Thank you for loving me and for letting me know that I made you happy. That’s all I ever wanted, Keith: know that, OK?
I said that I would write Don tonight but I just can’t – it’s too late and I am too upset to write such a sensitive letter. Honey, he loved you and he’s been pretty good to me all up so I gotta love the dude, ya’ know?
Grizz, I’m going to go. I wonder if tonight will be like last night – I woke up four or five times in the night and it was the weirdest thing – it felt just like you were with me. I am surprised that I didn’t see you. As I’ve told you, I usually sleep all night like somebody unconscious but last night I kept waking up to sensations of you. Nice but a bit unsettling. It seemed different to those times that I have felt like you were here with us. Anyway, you’re welcome anytime, day or night, and the longer you want to stay, the better as far as I’m concerned.
Walk in the sunshine, sweetheart, and give your poor old Dad a hug from me. Always yours –
- Susan
posted by Susan @ 11:56 pm
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