Saturday evening, 28 May 2005 [8:30 p.m.]:
K.D.:I have just had the most awful session of crying, the worst I have had in a number of years. I just started to sob (who knows why?) and I cried out, "No, no, no, God no." over and over. It was almost as if I had just found you dead or something. Horrible and I don’t know what set it off.
Actually, I do know what set it off. I was looking at e-cards, trying to find one to send to Tom B and I found this (copyright American Greetings/BlueMountain.com):
From the moment I saw you,
I wanted to meet you.
From the moment I met you,
I wanted to know you.
From the moment I knew you,
I was in love with you.
From the moment I loved you,
I wanted to share my life with you.
And from that moment to this moment,
and for all the moments to come…
I will love you with all my heart.
That so perfectly describes the stages that I went through to get to know and to love you. "From the moment I saw you" – that picture of you and Kisa on Lavalife. "From the moment I met you" – those first two emails that you sent to me. "From the moment I knew you" – well that was an ongoing thing, but probably mostly occurred in about the second week of January. "From the moment I loved you", well let’s leave that to other lyrics – ZZ Top ("Stages"): "It happened before I knew what was going on. I fell out and knew that I was gone." "And for all the moments to come… I will love you with all my heart." Well, honey, you know that is true. You will be loved, cherished and honoured all the days of my life. Everything about you, everything about our relationship - for always.
I miss you so very, very much and there are many tears. Please help all of us down here that need it and I think that is most of us – only you can see into our true hearts.
Without your hat, or some other tangible thing, I have no evidence of your death. I have had acknowledgment from almost no one. I have virtually no way to say goodbye to you. (Unless you count that Valentine’s Day card that I sent to you but I don’t know if you ever received it.) Do you see that it is important for me to get your package? Do you see that it is important for me to get in touch with Don? Not only for the package, but I need his help to find the pilot that you knew so I can go to where your daughter distributed your ashes. I’ve got until November to find him but I will go to BC even if I don’t know this beforehand.
It’s almost nine, I’m going to say ‘bye. Please come and be with me again, honey. Love –
- S.
posted by Susan @ 9:43 pm
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