Tuesday night, 31 May 2005 [10:30 p.m.]:
Hey, ya’, my Grizz!Today was fun – did a photo shoot and took lots of clothes and jewellery along and it was good fun. Pity, though, none of the ones of me in those sexy jeans of mine turned out! ;-( Not enough light on the embroidery, what a pity. I was tempted, really tempted, to have some done in my sexiest lingerie but then I decided against it – I mean, who would I show them to? They are the sexiest bra and G-string (thong) I’ve ever seen but it’s not exactly the sort of thing you put up on your wall or post on Lavalife, now is it? But if you were still around, honey, you’d get treated to a ringside seat for sure. That’s something that I regret – that I didn’t send you enough pictures of me. You only got those fairly yucky ones of me at my graduation. I really have to wonder sometimes that if you could have had a better idea of how I looked that you might have thought differently about me coming over. I’m pretty sure that the picture of me that you had in your head didn’t match very well with the real me. Oh, well, you know what they say, "Life’s a bitch and then you marry one."
Tomorrow is D-Day. If I haven’t gotten anything from the Post Office or if Don hasn’t written by evening time, I am sorry to say that I am going to write him again. God, I hope he answers me. I can’t think why he wouldn’t. He said he’d reply around 21st April and here we are, almost June. Again, I have made up every excuse in the book as to why I haven’t heard from him… and it’s not like I can show up on his doorstep or give him a ring. Jeez, honey, you haven’t stage managed this very well, have you? I know you would have left us on the 12th firmly believing that someone would have respected your wishes and mailed that package for you, sadly your trust was unfounded, at least in this instance. And this is a hell of a time for Don to get in touch with "the family" since your Dad died on the second of June last year. There’s the dreaded "anniversary reaction" in grieving where the bereaved re-experience a lot of the feelings of grief all over again. Trust me, honey, I am not looking forward to January and February next year – I miss you so much now, what will it be like then?
I know I’ve been cast in the role of the "other woman" but when you said that Colleen was your "ex" I just accepted it as that. I didn’t try to steal you away – I thought you already were away. You never spoke about her much and when you did it was always negative (which is so unlike you). Honey, you really seemed like you had been hurt and you never explained. So I never worried and I never tread softly on these tiger paws. I didn’t meet you with a view to falling in love with you – it’s just something that happened. Neither of us planned it or gave it a second thought at the beginning. I mean you were in Canada and I was in Australia, for heaven’s sake! And I certainly never meant to hurt anyone – not you, not Colleen, not Alison. But it sure seems if somebody has their nose out of joint and if they are trying to hurt me, it’s working. If they are trying to drive a wedge between us they might as well not waste the energy – it will never, ever happen. I’m sure that you gathered that I am a very loyal person when we were together and that isn’t going to change. So here you are with this Aussie/Yank who is hopelessly in love with you and your whole damn family totally opposed (well, I guess I don’t know your daughter’s opinion). I would have loved to have been a mouse in the woodwork when you discussed my coming over in February ‘cuz I sure would like to hear the pros (if any! – LOL!) and cons that your friends came up with that day. Don could shed some light on this if he’d only make contact. He certainly has me perplexed, I must say.
Anyway, enough of this. Don’t worry about me, honey, I’ll get by, I will. Worry instead about your screwy family – every thing is not rosy in BC by a long shot.
Loving you with all my heart, mind and soul. If you get bored in heaven come and spend some time in our funny old house – we’d love to feel your presence with us.
My life is for you, Keith, you can do with it what ever you want.
Here’s a huge, grizzly-sized HUG and a KISS on those funny earlobes of yours. Be good – and if you can’t be good, feel free to name it after me – LOL! Always,
- Susan
posted by Susan @ 11:20 pm
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