Thursday night, 2 June 2005 [11:15 p.m.]:
Hello there, my much loved honey.I am sorry that this is such a sad anniversary for your family. I’m sorry that I can’t be closer to them and be some sort of a help but they just don’t want any part of me so I’m locked out of it all.
Kind of a weird day today. I guess because I got so cold on Tuesday and then got a chill after I left the gym last night, I woke up with a bad cold. At first I didn’t have any voice at all - I was trying to tell one of the cats to stop scratching and nothing came out. Quite funny really. I had a hot cup of coffee (cures everything, right?) and went back to bed and wound up not calling into work until about eleven. Oops. Spent most of the day in bed and had cups of coffee and those cup-a-soup thingys during the day. Most of the time, I just snuggled up to your ‘cub’ picture and drifted in and out of sleep.
Got a call from one of the guys from last Friday night and he was completely mystified by your story – he simply cannot understand why I care so deeply for someone who I knew for so short a time. Anyway, I didn’t go to the karaoke thing that was planned. I have never been so I was a bit intrigued by it but it will just have to happen some other time.
Oh, I steeled myself and wrote Don today. Not too long of a letter and I specifically asked him NOT to contact your family right now ‘cuz of the anniversary of your Dad’s death. I will never understand it if he chooses not to ever contact me again. I feel as if I am being made to pay for some misdeed or inaction that I don’t even know that I have done or not done. Why, honey, why don’t they like me? Why do I have to be punished like this? If people think that this will make it easier or better for me, they are very, very wrong.
Remember how you told me that nobody could love me as much as you did? Well, I don’t believe that you have ever had anybody love you like or as much as I did. Nobody else probably believes, knows or cares but we know. I know you’ve been hurt by women in the past but you just need to let that fall away. They don’t matter anymore and you’re there with your Pop and Dad and Clayton. And even though I’m earthbound you can bask in the love that I have for you and know that I am here for you always. I know that I’m not going to "get over" you until I see you again and stand before you in heaven and then we can make up for all the time that we missed out on down here. So, as you said, "We’ll get together when we can".
I love you, sweetheart – June is probably a good month for flyfishing so enjoy. Come visit me soon.
- Susan
posted by Susan @ 11:49 pm
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