Thursday night, 16 June 2005 [9:45 p.m.]:
Hey, there, Grizz.I kept thinking that I saw you out of the corner of my eye today – when I’d turn my head to look there was nothing there. Happened a few times.
I called Susan this morning to check on the album pages and she had bad news. She is having her gall bladder out next week and, worse news, her sister, Jane, who had breast cancer years ago now has disseminated disease. At first Susan said "bone cancer" and I’m thinking "bone cancer" and then the penny dropped and I realised that she meant metastases from the breast cancer. She has it in so many places that they aren’t even offering her chemo or radiotherapy. Sh*t.
Warwick has me entirely PO-ed. I asked him this morning as I was leaving for work to put the clean dishes away, wash the dirty ones and clean out the old stuff in the ‘fridge. I get home and he’s not here and has done nothing. In fact, it’s almost ten and he hasn’t appeared for dinner. He’ll come in hungry and expect a hot dinner all laid out for him but it sure isn’t going to happen tonight. He hasn’t even rung! I got him to mow the grass the other day and he put the clippings on top of some little plants that I was trying to grow (about two feet deep on top of them). When I reminded him that I didn’t want clipping there, he said "Get over it!" (and he left them there and tonight I had to try to remove the grass but I don’t think that the plants will make it). He has absolutely no respect for other people’s property. Usually when he eats dinner he gets up when he’s done and puts his plate in the sink and just leaves without a word – no thank you, nothing. Oh, Keith, you were so good with him and he liked you and was looking forward to going hunting with you – I wish you could talk to him like you used to do. I used to wonder what the deal was with your Craig when you were so good with Wozza. Stupid, stupid boys.
That got me crying – I hadn’t thought about you Messaging and talking to Warwick in a long time. You were always so sweet, it just makes me miss you more. So special, honey, such a treasure.
I could barely drag myself into work this morning – I was just dreading it and I don’t know why. Jill saw your "East Arm" photo on my desktop today and liked it. I told her that you couldn’t decide if you liked it or the "KisaWater" photo best. I told her about November and she’s glad that I’m going over. I know it’s something that I need to do.
I’m playing Metallica’s S&M "Nothing Else Matters" over and over. I think that I might be trying to desensitise myself to it. "Couldn't be much more from the heart, forever trusting who we are and nothing else matters…. So close, no matter how far, couldn't be much more from the heart". Dunno why, but I just thought about Don and his view on our relationship. Really, honey, it’s OK if you didn’t love me "romantically" – I don’t really see the need to categorise it anyway and there was so much love there between us no matter what kind of love it was. You told me you loved me. I believe you. And I know you know, and have known for a very long time, that I love you. As Metallica say "nothing else matters". Truly, it doesn’t.
OK, honey, no more blog for me tonight. Smile down on me and send me some of your love. Right now I really need it. Take care, Keith.
- Susan
posted by Susan @ 10:30 pm
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