Tuesday, 28 February 2006 [8:00 p.m.]:
Hey ya’, my Keith!It was simply gorgeous tonight when I got home from work – I must have gotten home around seven p.m. I’ve just come inside from looking for you in the stars but it’s still a bit early and not dark enough. It was dark enough, though, to see Venus and to see an incredibly fat fruit bat flying overhead – lucky it didn’t poop on me! You (and just about everybody else in Canada and the US) probably don’t realise but fruit bat poo is really corrosive. If they poop on your car and you don’t wash it off within a day or two, it eats right down to the primer. To be able to repaint it, the repairer has to grind it down to the bare metal or the paint won’t take. Lots of bats around here ‘cuz we are only two blocks from Duck Creek – they always like to nest near a body of water. We had a few bats in Michigan, but not the same type – as a matter of fact, there were hundreds on Mackinac Island - but the ones here are HUGE.
Jeez, dude, I keep seeing the profiles of all these Australian guys in the 45 to 55 age bracket – MY GOD – they all look so old!!! It’s shocking, it really is. Should we blame it on the hole in the ozone layer??? You look like a baby compared to them! You just came stomping into my life and stuffed it all up for me, didn’t you? Oh, Honey, you know I love you and the time that we had and that I don’t regret one single second of it. You’re just a bit of a hard act to follow – LOL!
Jane was all over me like a rash today – she even left a chocolate bar prezzie on my keyboard when I got in. We will have to have a team meeting about some aspects of sonography after we settle into the year.
AND today I got asked to interview for the Clinical Admin job on the 9th (“my” job, remember?). If I get offered it as a part-time position, I will just refuse. Plenty of other jobs going at the University. Anne got bad news today – they are not interviewing her for her own position. I feel sorry for her but she’d be better off working somewhere else where she doesn’t have to work under Hong who is absolutely terrible to her. I have no idea why she (Hong) continues to get away with it, but she treats people who work with her terribly. At least four of the last five people in that position have resigned because of her. A shame.
Hey, some good news – I actually ate today! Usually I have a serve and a half of oatmeal, usually with a bit of orange marmalade stirred into it. Then I have one of those mini-sized Mars bar and a can of diet soft drink and, sometimes (but not very often), a half or two-thirds of a chicken kransky. Not very much food and not very well balanced (I do have a big Centrum multivitamin everyday). But today I had the oatmeal and Jane’s candy bar, a large banana, some dried apricots, some sultanas (raisins), and a bit of dried pineapple. I might even have something for dinner! I think it’s part of being suicidal, of wanting to be where you are and not here any more – I am just starving myself to death. The whole scene at work has been terrible and things haven’t been good in the relationship department. Then money worries and problems with Wozza. {Sigh.} Sometimes the temazepam is tempting I have to admit. And Dr Davis gave me a double Rx last time – I’m responsible, aren’t I? Hmm. Whatever the reason, I have now lost 30 kg (66 lbs.) in less than a year and a half. I sure hope that I don’t lose too much! I’ve got such a nice female shape and a great a$$ - pity for it to disappear! And some of my clothes (remember how about two weeks after you died I went berserk in those shops and bought all those clothes?) well some of them are starting to look like hell because they are just too big. The trousers that I put on lay-by (layaway) to wear to the conference in Hobart (end of April) were a size 12. Been a while since I’ve been a 12! I will probably have to have some of my clothes altered – my sewing machine isn’t working (and some of the clothes have what they call “flat felled” seams – that means they are about impossible unpick so they can be restitched).
Graham has just now SMSed me. He wants to come over tomorrow night ‘cuz I still have his Christmas present. But he doesn’t want to come until 9 or 9:30, after a quote. God, I need a relationship counsellor – I know!!! I’m going to invent a “digital dating advice” device – you type in a hypothetical (or real, for that matter) dating situation, press the “calculate response” button and, hey presto, the “correct” reply appears. I mean, do I say, “Sure, what ever you want, Graham.”, or “Sorry, it’s inconvenient, I have to …. (insert excuse)”, or “I’m sorry, but 9:30 p.m. is a bit late, try some other evening.” or whatever. I am always too willing to please and wind up not getting the respect that I should. I turned myself inside out trying to please you, KD, but then you were dying and you deserved every single consideration that I could come up with to make you happy. And I did make you happy and we had fun and I think that we did the best that we could. It’s just a bit of a shame that I have to be left behind down here without you - God’s plan for whatever reason. You saw a bright future for me and I have to make it a reality. Just a bit hard when work is so damned difficult and demanding right now. Hard to know what to do about the Skeena trip; hard to know what to do about the Masters’. And I’m tired, God I’m tired – work is just taking it out of me, I’m afraid.
Honey, I am going to go – I have to SMS Graham and Warwick and then I want to look at some job vacancies at Uni that close on the second (day after tomorrow).
I’ll check the stars later again tonight. Send my good wishes on to Don M and to Jessi. Have a good time with your Pop and Dad and Clayton. That’s another thing I’d like to see in BC – your grandpa’s hunting lodge. Was it near Quesnel Lake or closer to 108? I wish you or Alison had been able to find those old photos before you left, I would like very much to see them.
Thanks, Honey, for being your special self. I don’t have to say that I love you and that I miss you, do I?
- ‘night, Susan
posted by Susan @ 9:18 pm
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