Thursday night, 21 April 2005 [11:45 p.m.]:
Hello, my very best buddy!Today was another great day apart from missing you constantly as I do. Work was good and the School is sponsoring me to go to a day-long course on – wait for it – positive thinking, mastering negative self-talk, etc., etc. Ya’, I know you’d be glad that I’m going to go. It’s held at the Main Campus – that’s where that photo card of the jacaranda in the Main Quad that I sent you with the jacaranda blossoms was taken.
I was bad, bad, bad (LOL! – remember when you said, "… and if you can’t be good, don’t name it after me" – you bugger!). I bought myself some more really nice new clothes; four tops, two pairs of trousers and two belts. Looking now to buy a pair of black dress boots and a leather jacket. Saw a pretty chocolate brown jacket today but they didn’t have it in my size (which is getting smaller all the time – I have lost two kilos in the last five weeks).
I bought more scrapping stuff to add to my collection – I’ve had a really good idea of something to put in the album I’ll be doing for Alison but you’ll have to wait and see – I know it will please you (her, too, I hope!).
Had a talk with Warwick tonight about where I am at with you. He says that he feels that I have reached a new stage with you. I dunno if that’s it or not. I do know that I am completely in love with you and that I miss you and think of you constantly. And I do know that you suffered so much, honey, that you are better off where you are. And I do know that my life is immeasurably better because of the gifts you gave me - and I know that your influence on me will last for a lifetime and, if anything, will become stronger over time. Keith, Keith, Keith – how could I not love you? The most amazing feelings well up inside of me – a warmth, a peace – and I have to thank you again and again. But I do miss you and I wish that you were here with me instead of the way it turned out (or, better yet, we were in Canada or Minnesota or somewhere).
Remember when I told you about the funny puppy that made me cry that time? I went into that same pet shop tonight and there was this funny little fuzzy white puppy – sort of like a tiny poodle. Anyway, I normally don’t like small dogs but this poor little thing was sooo sad – he had made a little nest out of the newspaper strips and peered out with these sad eyes. I really wanted to take him home – but the cats would have made his life a horror. Poor wee thing, he was so in need of a loving family. [Hmmm – that just reminded me of me – I’m in need of some good lovin’: the last really good hug I had was that one you sent me on 17 December, remember? (not counting the hugs you used to give me in Messenger) Please send some down, honey, OK?]
I went over to the old house this evening to see if there was any notice from the Post Office about your package but there wasn’t anything. Honey, it’s been more than two months and it’s still not here! That’s what you wanted, that’s what you asked them to do and after all you went through I would have thought that they could have paid attention to your requests – I doubt it would have cost that much in either time or money. For that matter, I have a cheque account drawn on a Michigan bank – I could easily pay them tenfold of what it cost and in U.S. dollars at that, if that’s what it took. Sh*t, I think I’d pay just about any money for your Sage hat and your purple fishing shirt with the fish logo and a couple of the flies that you had tied. I think about all your stuff and think about it getting sold to somebody who didn’t know you and I think it just sucks. Ya’, I know it’s just things and things are only that but to me they have so much meaning attached to them – if I worship the very ground you walked on, how do you think I feel for the things you held and used and loved?
Yeah, yeah, I’m getting all intense again, aren’t I? Well, sweetheart, just bask in it ‘cuz nobody gonna love you like I do. And, like you said, nobody loves me as much as you do and that is a great, great feeling – that makes me feel so good and so proud. We were so funny, honey – correspondents, acquaintances, buddies, friends, lovers – we just stumbled along and the most amazing thing happened to us! Except for the timing, it was perfect and we were both so happy in it. Well, it’s just a matter of time now and we’ll finally be together (and, ya’, OK, on your terms) and Heaven will have its hands full then ‘cuz you and I are going to have some good, good times! Yahoo!
‘til then –
- all my love, Susan
posted by Susan @ 6:35 pm
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