Tuesday morning, 19 April 2005 [10:45 a.m.]:
Good morning, my honey.I talked to you for a long time, out loud, last night and I know that you can see into my heart and into my spirit. I think that you know me like nobody else does and like nobody else has ever done before. I know my voice probably sounded little and weak and tear-filled but there were things that I needed to say to you. You know what I am claiming as mine, you know what I want and you know what you can do about it. You and God alone can heal these hurting hearts down here so, when you get a chance, turn your love on all of us again. But, above all, before anything else, enjoy yourself and do precisely what you want to do – that is one Promise I will extract from you. That you "do what you gotta do", that you live your spiritual life to the fullest, that you put yourself first. I was thinking last night about how you always used to "blow you own horn" with me all the time – you’d tell me all the fantastic things you did and were doing. It was almost as if you had to convince me that you were a person who mattered. Sweetie, you didn’t need to do that – I saw into your heart by mid-December. All you had to say were things like "I have to go out and plow the neighbour’s driveway so he can get to work in the morning". You were always for others. The way you looked didn’t matter, your long list of achievements didn’t matter – all that mattered was the way you lived your life putting all of the rest of us first, your kindness, your concern, your love. Thank you, Grizz, from all of us who love you for being the man that you were and are. How much fuller the world is for having you in it!
I know I don’t have to write this letter to you because you know it all. But my memory is imperfect and by having this I can remind myself of times we spent and things we said and how we felt. It will help to keep things from slipping away. I’m afraid I’m a bit like a butterfly, always dancing forward. I have forgotten so many things about you – especially from when we were on MSN Messenger at the beginning and I didn’t keep any record of our conversations – even parts of our first telephone conversation (like which chemo drug you were on, etc.) have gone. I’m sorry, honey, I really had no idea you would become so important to me: we just had this casual, fun interaction with no expectations and at the beginning I didn’t pay you as much attention as I should have.
I was thinking what attributes you’d describe me as having and I’ve come up with ‘perceptive’, ‘intense’ and ‘generous’ and we’d only match on one – I’d say ‘generous’, ‘enthusiastic’ (or is that just mania talking??) and ‘tenacious’. You? Well, I’ve already gone on and on about your good qualities elsewhere here, so let’s list a few of your not-so-good ones: ornery, bullheaded, won’t take no for an answer and total conviction that you are right all the time – LOL! Honey, none of those stop me loving you at all – all I want to do this very minute is throw my arms around you and hug you tight and feel your beard on the side of my face and feel your breath on my neck. And nuzzle those funny earlobes you have – LOL! You have to have some negative points or you’d be an angel on this earth and not a man and I know for sure you’re a man and a man’s man at that. (Uh-oh, here comes that sexual tension thing.)
Honey, there’s lots of things I have to do today so I have to get going. My thoughts are always with you. All my love -
- Tiger Woman
posted by Susan @ 8:43 pm
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home