Tuesday night, 12 April 2005 [11:00 p.m.]:
Hi, Keith. You’ve been gone two months now – in some ways it doesn’t seem like it’s happened at all, in other ways it seems like years ago and at other times like it was only last week.Today was a good day, the best in a long, long time (since we talked on the 9th of Feb.). I went back to work and it was really good – everybody seemed to miss me and about four people said it looked as if I had lost even more weight [and I haven’t been to the gym in ages (I have all these bruises all over me from carrying furniture, etc. and a bunch on my inner thighs – I look like I have been practising some kind of kinky sex)].
It was great to walk into my office and see all of the photos of you and Kisa and Wozza up there on the walls – it gave me a really nice feeling. And the March calendar tiger got retired and the April tiger trotted out (a Bengal that didn’t look a thing like Kisa). Gee, honey, will "the family" freak out if I go to Action Animals and ask to see her and Marty and Whisper? Honey, you asked me to have "a great life with no holding back" and that’s exactly what I am going to do and I really don’t care anymore what they think.
A while ago I got the most beautiful card you have ever seen for Alison – it’s a laser cut card that sort of stands up on it’s own easel. It sounds terrible ‘cuz it’s sort of recycled brown art paper with black but it has these laser cut shapes like autumn foliage on a river bank and then sort of very pale silver and copper leaf shapes around the border with the text "Pause in some quiet place and let your mind be still." It’s all open in the centre so the light can pass through the river scene. I thought that she would like it, she’s got such a cute house with the wreath on the door, etc. It’s not your run-of-the-mill violets and lilacs sympathy card with some gaggy verse. Oh, well, her loss. And I guess it goes without saying that your package hasn’t come. ;-( .
I’ve gone the entire day without crying! (My voice did get a bit quavery a couple of times ‘cuz a few of the faculty asked about you, but no tears.) I wore my personalised "Keith" iPod and it was great for keeping the noise level in my office bearable (not to mention having the ZZ Top, Uncle Kracker, Green Day, etc., etc. stuff to listen to). Hon, I am so glad you liked "Follow Me" so much. In hindsight, though, I can see where the lyrics might have meant more to you then I realised at the time ("I'm not worried 'bout the ring you wear, ‘cuz as long as no one knows then nobody can care. You're feelin' guilty and I'm well aware but you don't look ashamed and baby I'm not scared."). I always liked the "You don't know how you met me, you don't know why. You can't turn around and say goodbye. All you know is when I'm with you, I make you free and swim through your veins like a fish in the sea." I used to envisage myself flowing through your bloodstream pushing out the cancer and making you well. We were pretty good for each other, weren’t we?
OK, honey, going to close now. In just two days I’ll have the new ADSL modem (bloody well hoping that they include enough cable to reach to the PC and I don’t have to go running around trying to buy more cable so I can finally log back on. Looking forward to receiving emails again (especially the one Don said he’d send), being on Messenger, doing some on-line gaming, downloading mp3s, etc., etc. And I can start posting to the blog again.
K, my fat-fingered fisherman – missing and loving you heaps. Now don’t forget, you’re supposed to pull some strings to get a few things sorted out down here. Have a great time, sweetheart. Love –
- Susan
posted by Susan @ 12:35 am
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