Tuesday night, 19 April 2005 [10:30 p.m.]:
Hey, ya, honey, how ya doin’?I took the day off work and got heaps done. Got all vain and went to a salon and got my brows and lashes done. Then I took off to the tattoo parlour and talked to the artist (a bikie with lots of tatts). The rough idea I came up with features two, uh, elements and each one will cost $300. And, no, I’m not telling just yet! Wozza thinks that I should add some text to the design but I’m not sure. Now I want to find the guy in Sefton that I heard about and see what he reckons.
Bought some art supplies and looked around for a pair of dress boots. And stopped in a sushi restaurant and had a couple of dishes. Oh, yeah, I went into the fishing department at K-Mart – you know, they didn’t have a single fly! All lures and fake worms and stuff. I looked at the fishhooks – here I am looking at the "Eagle Claw" brand hooks and I’m thinking, "Where is he? Where’s my handsome Canuck?". I really miss you, honey, I really do.
After fooling around in Parramatta, I had to rush home to fix dinner in time for my class tonight. It was my second introductory scrapbooking class. I picked out some photos of Warwick from when he was little and we lived in a Townsville beachside suburb called Pallarenda (that’s where Dyer Street was) and came up with quite a good looking page. I’m going to fool around with it (scrapbooking) until I feel I’m good enough to make a start on your album (which is getting huge!). Honey, it’s going to be beautiful: you will really like it. And then, as I said, I’m going to do one for Alison, in fact, I’ve already bought the binder for it. Bugger, I sure wish I had some photos of you two together – the best I’ve got is the embroidery she did. I’m kind of thinking that I’ll ask Don if it’s all right if I can send it to him and he can repackage it and send to her. I’ve got her address, that’s not the problem – I’m just afraid that she’d take one look at the fact that it came from Australia and just chuck it in the bin unopened. That would be a tragedy! (Cripes, it has also just dawned on me that I don’t know if you’re Alison’s ‘big brother’ or ‘baby brother’ or not… jeez I wish we had talked about some of this stuff, honey.)
Today was good – somehow you have given me a sense of power and a sense of myself. You seem to have reflected the good in me back to me (I hope to hell that I did the same for you) and it’s been a wonderful experience – as ever, I am in your debt. Heard "Time of Your Life" by Green Day come on the iPod when I was on my way to the class and felt a bit like I could cry but I was able to hold it in. So no tears for a couple of days now! Told you I’d be OK, honey. Also, heard the beginning chords of "Woke Up With Wood" and "Pearl Necklace" today and just cracked up. Ya’ know, I don’t even know which ZZ Top song you serenaded me with in your pick up that last time we talked.
Rick sent me an email before I lost my connection and in it he tells me that I shouldn’t go on Lavalife or anything – quote: "Its obvious Keith affected you deeply...in some ways that’s good, in others not so good... but you really need to heal from that. It wouldn't be fair on the other person if you started a relationship or friendship and you couldn't give it 100% because you were still getting over Keith...you know what I mean?" No, honey, I’m not ever going to "get over" you – should I dye all my clothes black and stay out of the sun? Yes, I’m going to "move on" but you shall always be treasured and cherished and celebrated. You’re a part of me now and you help make me who I am – it’s this new person that I am becoming that I have to offer someone else. Honey, now that the grief seems to be lessening a bit I can see the changes that you wrought in me starting to come forward. So consider me well on the way to beginning to fulfil Promise 1 (you know, I am starting to believe it’s going to be a life-long process – not a change like turning on a switch but a growing thing).
K, my darling sweetheart, time for me to get off to bed. Just know that I love you, I miss you, you are constantly with me and, even tho I sound like a bit of a dragon, I do wish all your friends and family members well (even bloody Colleen). [Funny, today I was wondering what happened to your purple polar-fleece fishing shirt - you know, that had the same logo as your waders. I just want to touch all your stuff: to run my fingers over the bumper of your Dodge, to smell your clothes, to hold your bow in my hands. I don’t know if you understand how it’s hard for me not having a physical presence to connect me with you. That’s why that hat is so damned important and, when it finally arrives, it will be cherished and adored like its owner.]
Venus winked at me tonight – was that you? ‘night for now, sweetheart –
- love, S.
posted by Susan @ 8:48 pm
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