Monday night, 21 March 2005 [11:45 p.m.]
Hello, my big, sweet, strong man. Yeah, I guess 'cuz you insisted on it, I always see you like you were in 2002 and in June 2004 with your big strong shoulders and your beautiful eyes. Never sick – I’ve got a couple of pictures of you over the winter when you weren’t looking your best but that’s not what I focus on – I always picture you well. God, I love you so.Been hearing lots of lorikeets lately, especially around the grounds of our Campus as it is planted with native trees and the lorikeets go for the nectar. They are always in pairs or flocks and always call out to each other, even when flying along. They chatter constantly and are so colourful and funny. They always make me think of you – partly because I am sure you would like to see and hear them. And they remind me of you because they are colourful, they like to talk, they have an opinion on everything, they make me laugh and I get a big smile on my face just like you used to put on my face every time we talked. You were the very, very best. Thank you for your gift of yourself that you gave to me.
Ya, I’m down but I’m better today than I was. Not really able to "live life with no holding back" or work on my Promises just yet but, I promise you faithfully, Keith, I will, as soon as I can, I will.
I sign the lease on the new house on the 24th; we’re having a garage sale on the 26th and have to be out of here by the 30th. Have to organise everything [locksmith, glazier, truck (my POS car is just a weeny hatch), etc.] including the internet service. Not sure how long I’ll be "off the air". Oh, yeah, nothing from Don and no parcel yet, either.
I am grieving so much for you and there are people who think it’s just out of proportion considering how long we were together and the nature of our relationship. And, ya, part of that’s because of who I am and how I react to things – I have been devastated by the loss of dearly loved pets and when I was little I used to get upset by sad stories. But, as I have said before, your death has affected me more than the loss of my mother and my father and my three sisters. I don’t know why and I am sorry that you had to worry about hurting me like you did when you realised what an intense person I am. I try to put the whole thing in perspective – I mean I started this "Swept Away" blog because of my reaction to the Asian tsunami. For God’s sake, there were people who lost their homes, their livelihood, their children, their families, everything in an instant with no warning. I knew about your cancer from the beginning and you gave me the chance (several times) to walk away. You were so sweet and so polite in your very first letter to me, you just grew on me and I just started to care more and more for you. Until, in the end, you started to care for me, too.
Well, it’s all over (except for the Promises) and I (as well as your friends and family) am left to mourn you as best I can. I will never stop love you and missing you and I look forward to the time when we can be together.
You are always with me –
- S.
posted by Susan @ 9:13 am
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