Friday evening, 18 March 2005 [6:00 p.m.]
Treasure, you’re my treasure. I met you, I admired you, I loved you, I lost you.Today has been terrible, one of the worst. I have cried and cried and cried. Cried in the supermarket even. I am missing you more each day. Honey, it was awful – we didn’t get to do the things we wanted to do. You wanted to travel and I was so excited about our trip! And then you got sicker and that was it. For the record I am just going to point out here that when you invited me to go to Korea and were thinking about coming to Australia I initially refused to go saying that you should be spending the money on your kids and not on me. But you said that they were provided for and I agreed to go. I put that here in case any of your friends or family ever reads this they won’t think of me as a bloody golddigger or something. God knows what they think as no one has bothered to contact me. Which makes it hard to find that elusive "closure" (God, I hate that word).
OK, I’m going to bring it up – it’s been in the back of my mind and I’m going to address it. Sex. You were so sweet when you replied to me and I know that neither of us had any expectations whatsoever about our friendship when we met. We were just acquaintances and then we became good mates (in the Australian sense). I fell in love with you long before you did with me. And I used to want sometimes just to crawl into bed with you at night and feel your back up against mine and my arm around your neck or you holding me. Rarely ever about sex although I doubt that I would have refused if that was something that you would have wanted. I’m pretty sure you didn’t think about me that way but then who knows – after all, you’re the one that called men pigs and more than once, too. We hedged around the corners a few times – when I knew you about two weeks you made it clear that your house had a spare bedroom. And we talked about prostitutes a couple of times. So, hon, it was your call and I don’t know if you ever thought about it or not. I guess you would have but I really can’t say. Rest assured I didn’t need to fly all the way to Canada to get laid. And I never did really figure out the Lavalife deal.
Anyway, I’ve stopped crying and I guess I won’t embarrass myself at the gym so it’s off to the weights, the machines and the cardio stuff.
Miss you like food, water, light and air –
- always yours, Susan.
P.S.: You might not have had a piece of my ass in your life but you’re getting one in mine – I have decided to get a tattoo, probably on my butt or hip, that has your initials in it. Not sure what else: tiger? bear? rainbow (as in trout)? and not sure if Australian artists can come up with the goods or even where to go. There was a tattoo place near here but it has closed and don’t know of any others. If I knew the place that did yours I’d come over and get mine done there. I will make it over there eventually, you know. This is the point where it would have been good to know which School District you worked for because you probably would have gotten your tatts done near there – who knows?
posted by Susan @ 9:25 am
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