March 22, 2005

early Saturday night, 12 March 2005 [2:30 a.m.]

My dearest Keith – it’s 2:30 in the morning – what am I doing still out of bed? I just can’t seem to get to bed anymore until after 1:30 a.m. at the earliest. Your ‘night-owl-ness’ has rubbed off on me. ‘member when you couldn’t sleep in the middle of the night and you’d ‘phone or message me and Ken never knew – LOL! Miss you like oxygen. It’s hard going on, it’s hard facing everything without you. The most special thing (next to my son) in my whole life and you’re gone.

I watched "Dances with Wolves" tonight and I’m pretty sure you would have liked it. Kevin Costner’s reddish beard reminded me of yours before you shaved it off.

I downloaded my music library on to the iPod but I haven’t yet figured out how to select from my Playlists – I’ve got a few: Acoustic, World, Fatboy Slim, Classical/Opera – and then there’s my special one: it’s called "Songs for Keith" and, of course, "Rough Boy" is in there.

It’s the twelfth – a month ago I should have been on the plane. And I would have made it to you in time, just in time.

OK, I’m getting upset and it’s far too late. Luckily, I don’t have to work tomorrow. I’ll write again later today.

Missing you so very, very much.

- S.

P.S.: Last night when I went to bed and held you photo, my eyes swam with tears. Looking at you through my tears, your image shimmered and swam. It began to look like a colour negative – the effect was strange and eerie. It was mesmerising and I held on to the picture frame and stared at your image for a long time – I couldn’t take my eyes away.

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