Sunday afternoon, 6 March 2005 [2:00 p.m.]
Beautiful sparkling autumn day outside – was cool enough last night that I had to put a quilt on the bed.So far, today has been awful. I wailed like I have never done before – it was like this ethnic keening you might hear on a documentary or something – ‘cept it was coming out of me. I feel so lost. Nothing from anyone in Canada and I am coming to believe that they haven’t and they won’t. Did you tell them not to contact me? If you thought that was protecting me, you were wrong – it is only making it worse. The parcel you asked them to mail to me still has not arrived. A similar thing happened when my Mother died – a few days before she died she sent me a letter. It arrived a couple of days after she died. I couldn’t bring myself to open it. I think I had it at least a year and a half before I did. She used to, from time to time, stick in a U.S. five-dollar note and I was so broke I had to open it to see if she had done so. It was so sad to receive a letter from "beyond the grave". I hope to receive yours soon.
I try saying to myself "When one door closes, another opens" but I am having a hard time convincing myself. But it is true in that if Rick hadn’t left me when he did, we would have never met.
I’ve got to go, I am feeling too sad and I am going to go and see if I can concentrate on some reading. I am already starting to forget things – I’m even wondering if you rang up on the ‘phone if I’d recognise your voice. Please, honey, please don’t leave me. Don’t let my mind forget what my heart knows.
- S.
P.S.: It’s 7:30 p.m. Saturday night in BC and I just checked the weather in 108 – wow, it’s 8ºC and only a few clouds. Nice, eh?
posted by Susan @ 11:34 am
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