Monday night, 7 March 2005 [11:45 p.m.]
Here I am again, still missing you. It’s something like 4:45 a.m. in 108 and the temperature is showing a whopping 18ºC. Spring is coming but not for you.I just came in from the back yard and, yup, I could see the stars. The lights of the city are so bright it’s hard to see anything but the brightest of the stars. Don said you guys used to spend lots of time looking at the stars – just think, there you were looking up at Ursa Major and not knowing that one day you’d have a star up there named after you. While I was looking at them, I held one of the cats and cried. I never told you about the cats, did I? The one I was holding is called P.K. and she is very sweet – she knows that I am upset.
I don’t know when I’ll stop crying, I don’t know when a whole minute will go by and I won’t think of you. In a way I don’t mind because I loved you and I chose to stay with you in spite of everything. So I guess now I have to pay for all the love that I felt (and still feel) – isn’t that a Catholic, guilt-ridden way to look at things?
Honey, I know you didn’t want me to feel this way and I don’t know what to do about it. Should I stop posting about you in my blog? Should I forbid myself to think about you? No, I can’t do that because then I wouldn’t be able to keep my promises – you asked me with all sincerity to make and honour them and I will. I promise I will.
Good night, love –
- S.
posted by Susan @ 4:33 pm
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