Monday evening, 16 January 2006 [7:30 p.m.]:
Hi, there, handsome – whatcha been up to? Look, it’s been a whole week since I wrote. It’s been weird the way I’ve been missing you lately. When I woke up on Sunday I am sad to say that I felt nothing, absolutely NOTHING. I didn’t feel one single thing for you, nothing at all. It lasted for about two hours and was very strange after everything that I felt over the past year and a bit. Then the feeling gradually came creeping back – and in the evening I got out your journal and had a read from the 17th of December 2004 up until 21st January 2005. Well, the feeling came back, all right. It was great to read some of our messages and a quick read is enough to remember what a lovely bloke that you are – you have the nicest personality, Keith. You are one awesome package. I also got out that moose print sweatshirt that you sent to me – I love the way that it and your hat smell like you. Sometimes when I smell you it feels just like you are giving me a great big hug – remember all those hugs you used to send me on Messenger? Keith, I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t miss the crap out of you after everything we went through together. That lack of feeling thing didn’t last very long – right this minute I am sitting here with teary eyes and wet cheeks. You gave your best to everyone and there are so many people who love you and miss you. As I was settling in to bed last night I got to thinking about how I would have done anything to make you well or to have made everything better. Depend on it, Keith, I would have done anything. If only you would have let me try. There was a funny part in what I read – you said, "And when you reach your full potential just remember who kicked your butt". Yup, Keith, I’ll remember. You said some nice things about Ken then, too. Lovely to be able to go back and re-read this stuff. Too bad I don’t have any other MSN Messenger stuff before the 21st of January – I have forgotten so much and it is such a damned shame. Just before I started this I was on Fly Anglers On Line (http://www.flyanglersonline.com) – honey, they are such a nice bunch. They have been really nice to me. Some of them know that I knew you. I’m hoping that after my trip I’ll be able to write an article or two for the "Our (Wo)Man in Canada" section. I keep hoping that Jessie will come on but I’ve never seen her and I don’t know what nickname she uses. Going to go – Ruffie is here making a fuss so I guess I better go check the food bowls. I miss everything about you, sweetie. You know what they say, "Don’t be a stranger". Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to see you in the stars lately because of all the rain. I will never stop loving you, Keith, no matter where my life takes me. I will always try to keep my promises. Stay well – - Susan |
posted by Susan @ 8:15 pm
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