Monday night, 26 December 2005 [10:15 p.m.]:
| Hi. Me again, honey. Well, I am going to start out by saying that I really, really miss you. It hasn’t helped that this has been such a horrible Christmas. I was really worried about you this time last year, after getting your weird message on Christmas Eve and then not hearing from you. And then there was the tsunami to be worried about… I will never, ever forget it. I heard about it really early on when nobody had any idea of the extent of it. The estimate of fatalities just kept leaping up and up and up… 500; 1,500; 5,000; 10,000 – it was just insane and completely unimaginable. But things got real real quick when the photos and videos started to come in. I will never, ever forget the picture that was illegally inserted in Hellmut Issels photo site; it really brought it all home to me. Saw a bat or two tonight but nothing like last night. And I was going to insert a fruit bat photo yesterday but then forgot. You know they are actually kind of cute and I knew a couple of people up in Townsville that had them as pets. The other thing that I keep thinking of is how, at this time last year, I wasn’t in love with you – yet. That didn’t happen until mid-January. We were just good friends who enjoyed each other’s company. I really, honestly had no idea at this point that I was going to lose you so soon. I wonder now if I knew what was going to happen if I would have fallen in love with you at all. I’m kind of sure that I would have regardless – I mean, dude, face it, you are one very, very special man. And now I know that I am a very special woman, too, so I guess our relationship shouldn’t have been a surprise to anyone. But I will always, always wonder (and never get any answer) why you had to go and bloody die on me when I loved you so much (still do) and when, and this sounds odd I know, I really, really deserved to find someone as lovely as you. The are so many men out there who are just total jerks and others who are completely clueless. And you showed up with your special mix – I loved so many of the things that you were into, I liked (loved!) the person you were (and are!), you weren’t stupid, I liked the way you looked, I liked the way you shared yourself and I hope this doesn’t freak anybody out there out – I sure as shit wouldn’t have kicked you out of bed, son. I wanted you all to myself and I wanted to share you with the whole world. I know I would have been able to spend 100% of our time together and I would have known when to let go, step aside and let you have your head – you were too big a person, too big a personality to be contained. So I would have been good and shared and we would have been happy. Well, we *were* happy and it was great but I should have gone to Canada and you shouldn’t been so inconsiderate (if you can put it that way!) to go and get cancer and leave all of us who love you all alone. Poor Jessie. Poor Don. Poor me. (At least your Mom is so far gone that she can’t really understand what has happened, thank the Lord for small mercies anyway.) So after all the above heavy stuff and all the tears that I’ve been crying, a bit of news [I keep running into all this stuff and thinking, "Keith would like that" (it sure would have been nice to have had you go to Grafton with me like we had planned and maybe that’s why my Christmas has been the worst one of my life – you really should have been here to share it with me. And it would have been so much fun to shop for a present for you.).] Anyway, Dodge has come out with a new Dodge Ram Mega Cab model with all sorts of cool stuff (hefty price tag, but) but doesn’t come in green like your lovely truck. Closest you’ll get is "Atlantic Pearl Blue" which is nice, I have to admit. So go on, get off yer butt and go tell St. Peter that you’ll be needing, and before the end of the year, another case of Sleeman’s and a nice new Dodge. And don’t forget to tell him that Susan sent you! And I’m sure you can think of a couple of more things to add to help celebrate the New Year. Why not go whole hog and ask for a new blue Polaris, I’m sure there’s some great snowy trails in Heaven somewhere you can take it for a run. And stay away from those cute angels! Your very own angel is right down here on earth waiting for our reunion! Anyway, hon, the tears have stopped for now and I’m going to go get ready for bed. I’ll try to remember tomorrow to tell all about what a "pavlova" is. Mmmm. Love you and miss you – - Tiger Woman |
posted by Susan @ 11:25 pm
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