early Saturday morning, 3 December 2005 [12:30 a.m.]:
Hey ya’, my KD!Hi, honey, how have you been? I’ve been pretty good, with a bit of a tendency to get a little teary off and on.
I love your hat so much! It’s a little less stinky than it was; it’s getting a good airing out. There’s a picture here with the ones that you sent me that I don’t know anything about – but it has your signature reflection on the water (is that a fish finder in the boat?). There is one fabulous photo of you hunting – it looks as if you are above the timberline. You are dressed all in camo with a rifle on your back and you have on that hunting hat with the fold up brims that you used to wear. Your hair is long and you look all scruffy and I just love it. You’ve got a full beard, too – honestly, you look like a classic picture of Jesus. I can’t see if you have your wedding ring on but it looks like an older photo so I guess that you probably you do. It looks as if you had this photo up on a wall somewhere ‘cuz on the back there is a bit of residue in the corners – what are you trying to tell me, honey? Is this when we should have met and been together? Is this near where you wanted to be laid to rest and you wanted me to see? Now we can’t talk about it and I miss you so much. You put a silver and green frame on it – it’s one of the few that you have framed.
Actually, now that I look at these closely it looks as if you had a few of them up on the wall. Did you have them up at 108? Trust your intuition – you sent them to the right person for I will always treasure them. You had so much to do there at the end and I appreciate it so much. I remember telling you that one of my very favourite photos was you with your trophy salmon and you got confused and couldn’t remember which one I was talking about. It was the one of you on the Kitimat with the spring salmon with your purple Bare shirt and Bare waders. You did get a bit confused those last couple of weeks – maybe it was the PV, maybe it was your meds, maybe it was just the stress of it all. Honey, I always tried so hard to "fix" everything and to make everything right. I am so, so sorry that I failed. Please know that I tried my damnedest.
Did I tell you that Ron Eagle Elk asked me to write him and his wife – that’s lovely, isn’t it. And I have to write back to Rene from Alaska, too. Ron said that he met you only once in Washington, does Bellevue sound right?
Today is a special anniversary – a year ago today your wrote me your first long email – a full A4 page, single-spaced. You were always so sweet; right from the very beginning. You, who always had so much to offer everyone, were always so sort of humble and approachable. How in the name of God could I have possibly gotten to know you without completely falling in love with you?
I ran into Dr Gil Vella who is the Head of the Biomedical Sciences School at the University. We spoke briefly about my Masters thesis and he suggested that I see one of the School’s lecturers next week. I’ll have to have a quick reread of some of the books that I have out ‘cuz they are due back and a look at the research that’s being done in South Australia before I see her so that I can be a bit definite about where I think I’m headed. I remember when you asked me to return to research and look at PV and I told you no. Well, I was being honest but my feelings about it has changed and I just don’t need to be elitist about it any longer – if you want me to look at PV, then PV is what I’ll do. It wasn’t an accident that we met, Keith, and I am sure that as I go along I will see the reasons for it more and more.
I know in my heart that you will be very proud of me on my trip up the Skeena. I sure am getting a lot of "nay sayers", though! I think that everyone thinks that I’ll just wind up being a bear sandwich or starve to death or be raped and murdered by an axe-wielding lumberjack gone wrong. Well, I reckon it’d be classic if I got done in by a bear – poetic justice really (I’m sure terrifying and painful but hopefully over soon - and then you can be there for me like Clayton was for you. We’ll get to have time together and we have so much to show each other!) Oh, I finally ordered a couple of shirts from that place in New Jersey that I got yours from – finally Susan is looking after Susan! One says "The Lure of Fly Fishing" and has a fish shape made all out of flies and the other is of a black bear. I was going to get a bear one like the bear one that I got you but then I decided that I didn’t need one that was so fierce so my bear one shows a bear superimposed on a dreamcatcher.
I’m hoping I get in touch with Paul and the pilot. I’m also sure that Don is back at work but he didn’t email me before he went – I was hoping that he would. I would really like to hook up with the man – to say thanks and also to get the 1,000s of questions answered.
Oh, I found out Alison and Paul’s surname and ‘phone number – now don’t go ballistic, I’m not going to ring them! That made me think of that beautiful card that I got for Alison that I never sent – I don’t even know what happened to it.
Going out with someone named Jack tomorrow evening. In the afternoon Warwick and I are planting sweet corn and some sunflowers. I know it’s awfully late to start planting but we’ve only just now gotten the rain. (And, boy, we’ve gotten a lot!)
Got to go. BTW: there’s a nice Scientific Anglers rod/reel case up for auction at eBay – I’m top bidder for the moment. Let’s hope I *stay* top bidder!
Love you muchly, miss you always, cry for you sometimes. Thank you, thank you, thank you for the hat (and the pictures and the shirt). Love –
- Susan
posted by Susan @ 1:27 am
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