Saturday evening, 26 February 2005 [9:15 p.m.]
Hey, you! (what you always used to say on MSN). Today has not been the best of days. I keep bursting into tears – I was in a pet store talking to this funny little puppy when all of a sudden I just burst into tears and had to rush out of the shop. I saw your picture with the yellow lilies on the bedside table and had a cry. I stood looking out of the front door and cried again. Got sick of reading and tried to have a nap and wound up with tears running down my face. I’m even finding this hard to write. I had been doing really well so I’m not sure why all the tears today. God knows I miss you, for sure. But don’t worry, I’m OK, I’m really OK – I’m getting on with the changes you have made in my life and things will get better I know.Heavy cloud cover again tonight so no communing with the stars. Fighting back the urge to write Don – not sure if he’s ready. He certainly sounds like a good friend.
I’m wondering who took down your websites (even your Lavalife profile) – did you do it or did somebody else and, if so, did you instruct them to do so? I am so thankful that you sent me so many photos so I’m not having to miss your websites, too. Thank God your MSN contact name is still showing – I just get a little comfort from seeing your names up there.
Damn, I wish you had never said "I am so sorry" to me – I didn’t want you to ever feel like that, to ever feel like you had to apologise to me - I always tried to make things better for you, better for us. One trivial wish I’ve had: I wish I had the smarts to try and ring somewhere in 108 or 100 Mile House and see if I could have gotten a case of that Sleeman’s Honey Pale Ale that you liked delivered to your house. I don’t care if you puked up every drop, it was your favourite and you deserved the best. [This is a selfish thought, but I hope when I die I’ve got somebody around that loves me as much as I love you.]
Honey, I’m too weepy to go on. I think I’m going to write Don a short e-mail now and call it a night. And Rick is being very caring of me – he was jealous when he found out about you but when I told him you had passed away he was very supportive of me and I owe him an e-mail. And speaking of friends, I think Ken is a saint – thank you, Ken, for everything you did.
‘night for now (it is so nice to say that to you and know you are not suffering) –
- Susan
posted by Susan @ 10:26 pm
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