Sunday, 20 February 2005 [8:00 p.m.]
Well, here I am again. I was in the kitchen working on fixing dinner and I got thinking about your story about kicking the bear on the snout! LOL! Then I guess because I was peeling potatoes I remembered something that I had forgotten from when we didn’t know each other very well. You were making elk stew, remember? And you said how much peeling onions bothered you. How much I would love to see you in that kitchen pottering around and cooking. And Don says that the house is sold so I can hardly knock on the door now and ask to see it can I? Besides, it wouldn’t have your stuff in it anyway. Yeah, that’s something else I’d like – to smell your clothes. I’m hoping that Sage hat of yours is on it’s way and arrives here safely and that you didn’t do anything stupid like wash it before you sent it! Aren’t I silly! I know you’d agree!Keith – you are the most amazing man I have ever met. You were good at so many things, you were afraid of almost nothing, you had so many friends, you loved your family, you were educated, you were compassionate, you were considerate, you were a good neighbour, you were wicked funny. You absolutely excelled at hunting and fishing – I really admire your skill with a bow and at tracking. You were empowering – how I appreciate the time you spent motivating Warwick and asking after him and being interested in him. You have given me goals to strive for and promises to keep. Over the last several weeks when I was concerned about you at work or wherever I would find that I was walking about with my head hung low - and as soon as I noticed that I’d think of you and up would go my chin and shoulders. I started wearing my rings again, wearing perfume, listening to music and dressing better. But you did have your stubborn streak at times, you rascal, but it only served to temper all the goodness in you. And how you tried to prevent me from being hurt! You big selfless sweetheart!
Gosh, another memory just came back! Here I had been looking on-screen at all these photos you had sent and off you went to Mexico with Jimmi to see Bruno. So I sat there while you were gone and stomped my way around in Photobucket and found tons more pictures. And what did I see that I had never seen before in all my looking? Tatts. Heaps of tatts on your arms. I have to admit that I was, at first, shocked. And I’m not exactly sure why. I would have liked to have had a really good look at them and hear the stories about each one. You and your stories!
Sweetie, you make me smile – I’m smiling right now. The photo with the tiger cub is up on the wall above the PC so I just have to look up and see it (same at work). I love your fat fingers, your funny earlobes [anybody ever tell you before you have funny earlobes?], your broad shoulders and that beautiful, beautiful look in your eyes. I am so lucky to have found you. I hope you feel the same about me. But never, ever miss me – just enjoy the peace you have in the place that you are now in. It’s enough for me for you to have told me that you loved me like you did – that was the most amazing thing and is certainly a comfort now that I am missing you so much. I will always, always love you and a part of you will always, always live in me and that will steady me and help me to keep the promises that I made to you*.
Good night, Keith –
- your Susan.
*Only one teensy regret – hearing all your stories about living in rural British Columbia increased my dissatisfaction with living in Sydney. I was just at the point of seriously starting to make plans to move to somewhere a lot smaller when you made me promise to return to cancer research. Well to do that means that I will have to be near a large teaching hospital or a University and they just don’t have them in country towns! But I’ll get by, no worries, and I have all your stories and pictures and memories to keep me going. And I decided (sorry but I didn’t get a chance to tell you before) that I am going to dedicate my Master’s thesis to you – you are, after all, the person that gave me the boot in the butt to get going on it. It won’t be right away as I’ll have to save up some $$ for fees – I’m thinking I’ll start in two year’s time. That gives me some time to "shop around" for a centre that is looking into PV and doing the kind of work that I am interested in – the best thing I have seen so far was looking at gene slicing and I’m hoping our lab at the Faculty of Health Sciences has the necessary equipment. And that reminds me of another thing – your much-appreciated support when I graduated last December. Okay, my much-loved friend, I have to say goodnight and I’ll see you in my dreams again tonight.
posted by Susan @ 10:40 am
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